The New Year!

  Looking back on this past year, it has been filled with blessings, adventures, challenges and sorrow. Everywhere you go people are talking about their "New Year Resolutions". We are to look back and reflect over this past year and see how we can improve and are encouraged to set goals for ourselves. My mother said today, tomorrow your slate is wiped clean and will be a new beginning. I looked at her saying, really??? In my head I immediately I was like, OK so tomorrow, the new year, will be better than presents from Santa! I will get my arm back and all the bad is over, we hit reset..right?! HA! Yea I'll keep dreaming.

  Although I would love to have my arm back and erase all the pain and challenges. I have to be thankful how blessed I have been this year. I have been blessed in that I have been able to go to one of the best prosthesis I could find! Advance Arm Dynamics in Dallas, TX.  Your prayers helped me tremendously, my insurance approved my arm and I didn't have to pay 200.000$ for it! I have been blessed by others in that my airline tickets to Texas have been paid for even! This prosthetic company has the greatest staff one could ask for! They truly care about you.  Although I do tend to be a lil rough on my prosthetic and break it from time to time, which is very frustrating! They are there paying for you to overnight the arm to get fixed quickly! Beats waiting in the doctors office for a broken arm lol.
 
  Not long after receiving my arm I was blessed to get to go to Del Mar, California to the "Beautifully Flawed Retreat", hosted by Bethany Hamilton (soul surfer),Lauren Scruggs (fashion blogger and stylist) as well as members of the Friends of Bethany Hamilton Foundation. It was truly a blessing to get to experience that. A family donated their house on the beach for us to stay at! We had a personal chef! We worked out in the mornings on the TRX. Had facials, hair and makeup done along with a photo shoot! One of the top events was SURFING!!!! Yes this girl finally stood up on the bored! It was a difficult challenge with an amazing reward! It was awesome seeing the faces on the other ladies as they surfed! Words cannot describe that day! Lastly I think one of the greatest things that happened was bonding with everyone and the amazing devotions that we had every night! God really moved through the ladies that shared and led the devotions. There were tears, laughter and there was a light of Christ that spread to the unsaved. It was truly moving and unexpected. We all had no clue it would be a devotion type retreat. It was great to just be with girls of different amputations and hear there stories and struggles and being able to share and help one another. We didn't look at one another and think how different we are. We saw beautiful and amazing women in front of us! When leaving we received a package of several books, all kinds of goodies and a freakin TRX! The trip was truly amazing! I cant wait till the next retreat! Friends of Bethany Retreat

Song of Songs 4:7 ^"7 You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."

  This year has just been surreal. At times it can feel a little overwhelming. My best time to focus and talk to God is in the deer stand. Everyone should have that one quite place where they can talk to God, with no distractions. For me the other day was just a whirlwind of emotions! While in the tree reflecting on this past year. I was struggling and getting frustrated with my prosthetic in the deerstand, my crossbow is pretty heavey for it! But it just hit me, I was like wow I am going to have one arm the rest of my life! It hit me hard! I mean I have been doing great in tasks and daily activities with one arm, don't get me wrong! I guess in your mind you kind of tell yourself that my arm is out of order for now but it will be back to normal in time. I try to just focus on the present not the future, and just take one day at a time. Therefore I had a mini melt down in the stand, crying out why god why? It seems like it is one thing after another and just was not fair! I know.. I know.. life is not fair...but I am allowed to have a poor me moment here and there. I have been reading the book of Psalms this month and it is such a powerful book! I read the following verses and found comfort.

    Psalms 94: 18,19&22
  ^"18 When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. ²² But the Lord has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge." NIV
    Psalms 126: 5-6 
  ^"5 Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.⁶ Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them" NIV

I just had to remind myself that when storms come, as bad as they may get, there is always a rainbow! An God does not give us more than we can carry. And you have to think..God must think I am pretty dang strong! You just have to pray for strength and God will help you carry the load.

  I can not wait for next year, hopefully doors will open and God will show me the way in how I can serve Him. I am also finally able to be back in the workforce, I am praying for the right job God wants me to have. There is its own challenges when facing this new world as the new me! I lastly am back in the dating world after 4yrs, not only am I a little rusty facing the dating world, but as the new me..it is so much more nerve wrecking! But I know first you have to love oneself, be confident in your skin. If you do not love yourself how can you love someone else? Lastly place it in Gods hands and he will bring you that one special guy, who will love you and think you are the most beautiful girl in the world! I tell people often that the plus side of having one arm is that, when it comes to guys, it weeds out the majority of the superficial guys in the world!

  So just remember no matter what this past year meant to you, good or bad, tomorrow is a New Year! As scary as the new year might seem just remember to trust and lean on God and he will get you through! I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!!!!! God Bless!

Phantom Limb

    There are two different types of phantom sensations commonly felt after an amputation. There is phantom limb sensation and phantom limb pain. Both of which occurs where there has been an amputation. It can be a tooth, breast, arm or where any body part was removed. But it most commonly affects the arms and legs.

    Phantom limb sensation is painless. It is where one still feels there missing limb along with feelings such as: itching, tingling, coldness and warmth. They say that often these sensations will go away. Everyone is different, even people born without limbs can feel these sensations. There is nothing more weird than having a itch you cannot scratch!!! It can be quite annoying! I just hold tightly on my arm praying I get the nerve that is causing the issue! lol. When I drink something cold I can feel it go all down my arm it is quite creepy!

    Phantom limb pain tends to be more painful, varying from person to person. They say that if your symptoms have lasted for eight months than your chances to improve are not likely. Symptoms of phantom limb pain are such as: shooting pain, stabbing, squeezing, throbbing, and burning. The limb may also cramp up and twist in uncomfortable positions. As for me I call my hand a bulley because it tends to twist my arm behind my back and torture me. My fingers tend to bend backwards in painful positions. Somehow I feel as tho I get papercuts in my fingers. My phantom pain is almost constant. Just some days are worse than others. After working out or when my heart is racing my arm throbs like crazy! It is just amazing how the brain opperates! After amputaton the nerve endings are still sending signals to the brain, therefore the brain still thinks the missing limb is still there. It has been said that the brain remembers the pain that the missing limb indured. Say if one lost a limb in a painful accident, your brain would still remember that and store it into memory and that would determine ones phantom limb pain. And if one lost a limb due to a scheduled amputation one is less likely to have severe phantom limb pain. 

    There are other factors that can trigger ones phantom limb pains. These triggers are: changes in the weather, stress, anxiety, lack of

sleep and pressure on the remaining limb. Usually I can tell when it is going to rain, my pain will get alot worse, it will be numb, tense and tingly. My favorite side to sleep on is the side where my arm is missing. But due to a bone sticking out on that side it is rather difficult to sleep on. But that habbit is hard to break. When I sleep on that side for too long my brain switches to a painful nightmare in relation to my arm. That is my brains way of telling me to rollover! If I lay on that side too long I wake up in alot of pain! Therefore its just a cycle of restless sleep. And I have learned if I have not had much sleep my pain gets worse. 
    There are several ways to help ease the pain. Such as applying hot and cold therapy, massage and relaxation techniques. TENS units are very beneficial, along with biofeedback. It is also beneficial to wear a prosthetic, the applied pressure is supposed to ease the pain. I have yet to get my prosthetic to experiment, but I will let you know as soon as I do! Accupuncture and mirror therapy have been known to help some, Mirror therapy did not help me due to my level of amputation. Drugs such as anticonvulsents, antidepresents, opiods have been known to help. Neurotin helps me the most! I can tell a world of difference if I dont take it. I also have a topical cream that contains neurontin, and other medications in it, that helps. I also go to a pain clinic where I receive facet shots all in my shoulder, back and neck area to help relieve the pain. I also think it is important to talk to a couselor to make sure your in a positive place and have someone you can vent to, because this right here straight up sucks! Most people do not understand, they see that your healed from surgery therefore you should be fine now. But most likely you are not, so make sure you join some groups so you can talk to people that understand. There are plenty of people willing to listen and help you, check out http://www.empoweringamputees.org/ and http://www.amputee-coalition.org/. Lastly if your pain is severe there are spinal cord stimulators and deep brain stimulators one can see about getting. Also recently I talked to a guy in Louisiana and he had a surgery performed in North Carolina where the nerves in his neck were fused. He claimed it was a miracle surgery! He is now on zero medications! That is something I am getting close to checking into! I hate being on all this medication, it makes me so tired and yet I can not sleep well and the pain does not go away! I just wish my brain would get with the program and realize there is not an arm there! It is funny because my neice will always ask, "What is your arm doing now?" and for once I would like to say I can not feel it anymore! I hope this insight was beneficial, feel free to contact me for more information or just to vent! Stay Strong! We survived for a reason! 

I'm Back To Blogging!

    Hey everyone! I apologize for being away from my blog for so long! We have had some family issues going on that I was focused on. Then it seemed like everytime I turned around someone was mentioning my blog, I felt horrible that I had been away for so long! I figured thatwas my sign for me to get back to writing.

   

There has been so much that has happened since I last blogged! To start off a couple months ago I finally got to go to Dallas, TX to Advance Arm Dynamics! I was sent a blessing from a fellow from TX named Jeff Hutchison, he paid for my airfair! I could not believe it! It meant the world to me, a complete stranger helping out. He had found my blog and could relate since is grandad was an amputee.

    Advance Arm was well worth the  trip! The office was amazing and so was the staff. Unlike the prothetest

I saw in Nashville, this office was well equipped with several different hand and arm models. I think that was one of the most helpful parts because I was able to see how the arm would closely look and was able to see the size and weight of each model. They showed me how each product worked aswell which help me better determine my decision of which arm would be best for me. I chose to get a fully electric arm, a Myoelectric Dynamic Arm. The myoelectric arm uses sensors on muscles to move the arm. For instance if I flex my pec muscles my arm may be programed to raise up. The hand opens and closes and is very strong! The hand twists off and I can insert attachments, I like to call them my Go Go Gadgets! They gave me a catalog of attachments, such as tools, fishing gear, archery and gun aids, pool stick aid, bicycle and driving attachments and the list goes on.

    I was so pumped about my new arm heading home! I could not wait to get it and conquer this new lifestyle with my sweet new robot part! I shotly found out my arm would not be arriving as quickly as I thought! Due to it being out of state they are having to fight with my insurance to pay for my arm! If my leg was amputated sure I would go down the road an pop on one from a local prosthetesit. But in dealing with arm amputees along with my level, the prothesis around here are not as experienced and rarely see cases like mine. But insurance is always a hastle so I just have to remain positive that everything will be okay! Anyone want to guess how much my arm cost!? It is my favorite game to play with people because it blows my mind! I even called them back to verify I heard right! My arm cost $191,000!!! When it comes time to buy a house I am going to just slap my arm down and trade! It is crazy! Now we are just sitting and waiting for Advance Arm to call me and say the insurance approced.

    Meanwhile I have been doing great and conquering new obstacles

everyday! Im doing great riding my bicycle now. I was able to go deep sea fishing this summer! That was awesome! I told the people on the boat my arm got taken by a shark...they believed me too! I love making up new stories, its fun playing jokes on people! I gotta have fun with this some how! I got a new crossbow for my birthday! It is a Parker Concorde with automatic draw. So now I have been counting down the days until deer season!

Double Take!

     Most of us will admit we work hard in life by eating right and dieting to get that perfect body just so when  we walk in the room everyone notices you!  Don't lie! We have all wanted that reaction of turning heads and getting that double take.  People think they must get a second look, and think Wow!.  Ha, well I have never had that perfect body it has always been work! I guess the saying goes, be careful what you wish for... Man I just turn heads all the time now! Being an amputee, I could break down and cry and run to my mom, crying mooooom their staring at me! Im a FREAAAK!!! But I just laugh and find it quite entertaining to be honest. I have always been a people watcher instead of a bird watcher...people are just fascinating beings in how they react. The mall is the best place to watch people if you want to know, ha! 
 
    Anyway, I guess one of the first times I gained my "creeper callus", its what I like to call those who stare a hole in my arm, ;) was when I was still in hospital rehabilitation.  It was the first time I got to walk downstairs.  This older women looked at my arm..then looked back a little longer and then my nephew said that lady keeps staring at your arm.  I looked again as she was staring as she rounded the corner, as if my arm was on fire. I laughed and told him I should have raised the sleeve of my tee and growled real loud, as if it was alive!  We all laughed.  I knew then that I was going to have people stare and I had a choice..I could hide and be ashamed..or I could make the best of it and look on the bright side. Children are different, they can be either really brutal or super sweet when they discover my arm is missing! I have a little niece who is seven and you never know what she is going to say but I guarantee she will be honest!  But although sometimes children can hurt your feelings, like sometimes what even my niece may say, without meaning it, it is important they express themselves. They just don't understand and she is just used to the old me.

What A Bummer....

   Well....I know some of yall are wondering how my appointment in Nashville went. An for me personally it wasn't the best. The night before my appointment I blogged about my whirlwind of emotions and anticipation for this day. I was not even able to sleep all night. I mean I tried not to expect too much just in case this was to happen. After driving two hours we arrived in Nashville at Hanger Prosthetics. During the appointment I met a total of three prosthetist. I had been in contact with Bill Limehouse from the Hanger in Texas, he travels along the southern region. Through Amputee Coalition of America I had got in contact with him since he travels to Nashville, TN. Bill is an upper arm amputee specialist therefore it seemed like a great idea to give Nashville a shot, especially since it is within driving distance. Bill is a very knowledgeable prosthetist, he has experience of about forty years and at the appointment I did learn a lot. I came prepared and brought with me a list of questions and he was able to answer most all of them, which was very helpful. Now at least I have something to compare other appointments to. 

    For those of you that have been reading and keeping up with me, one thing that I found out that was a relief is that my scapula bone that sticks out, he did say that he didn't think it wouldn't be a problem; with the silicone padding they would be able to line it where it would be protected. During the appointment he mainly just shared information which to me felt more like a salesman. He did feel of my arm and test my strength to see how far I have come in physical therapy, an he was impressed, Of course! I Got Guns! HA! But I have loved physical therapy even if my arm doesn't. :) Strength and a healthy lifestyle now is very important! After a physical assessment he addressed how I would be able to control an arm. He brought out a myo-electric tester to find the best sites for electrode placement. This was to see if I was a good candidate for a myo-electronic arm or rather use an electrode pad to move the arm. To sum it up both use electronic signals from muscle contractions to move the arm. In a later blog I will go over different kinds of arms right now its all still new to me. Anyway the tester showed I had could be a candidate for either one, which is good considering my level of amputation, but he believed the electrode pads would be best.