Let Us Give Thanks, Even When Times are Tough

By: Allie Frick

11/29/14

 

   One of the hardest things I have had to learn over the past two years is to allow others to help me. Those that know me know that I am not one to ask for help, or to accept help from others. When I am sick, hurt or even when a task seems too difficult for one arm I still will not want help. Yes, I look crazy trying to carry large items or tying my shoes.  But, when people ask if I need anything or if I am okay, my response usually is always that I am fine or no worries, I am good. Call it pride or just straight up stubborn, but I just see it as weakness accepting help from others.
   This month, for those that do not know, marks my two year "ampiversary", aka, two years since my accident. It was extremely hard this month. Call it ironic or just straight up bad luck; but the dog I was training as my service dog was killed on Nov. 15th, which was the same day as my accident. Some say it was just a dog, why be so upset? Others like me, understand the loss. But it was more than the loss of a dog; to me, it represented a series of bad luck that seems to never end. From brain surgery, amputation, finding out there is a rare chance I will have kids to lastly my dog getting killed on that same dreaded day. Of course for those that know me, know there has been plenty more events along the way.
   If you have read my previous blogs you know I believe that everything happens for a reason. I know God will not give you more than you can handle. In the big scheme of things, I think man God must think I'm wicked strong! I try to read about the life of Job to tell myself check this dude out! Your life has not endured anywhere near the amount he went through!
   But there are times your strength deflates and your humor subsides and life tries to crush you. That was one of those days. I was just like realllllly! Come On! Of all days really? You chose the day of my wreck for my dog to die. I know again dogs die everyday, before you start rolling your eyes at the screen. Yea I see you!
   Let me just back up for you. Most that know me know of my sarcasm and my great sense of humor about with all life has thrown at me. Being that as it may, I will go ahead and openly say that I suffer Major Depression, Panic Attacks,Insomnia along with Severe Phantom Limb Pain and my therapists claim PTSD.  I feel that its strong to say PTSD because when I hear it I think of our troops. But not many people know all of this unless you are close to me and ask haha. I just like to keep it private and buried. But its real and difficult to overcome. Yes I pray, go to therapy, went to many docs and tried medicine. But its still very real!
   Over the years I have had amputees come to me wanting help in dealing with their lives. I am very honest with them in that they must stay strong, be positive in your actions and thinking and most important plant your faith so your feet are on solid ground. If not, it can eat you alive!
  One of the things I had others like me, mention, was the help of a service dog. So looked into it, after all I love dogs! I couldn't believe it! There was a five year wait lists for a dog! The other option was to pay between $10,000 to $30,000 for a dog! I was like, yeaaaah OK! Ive got that in my back pocket! Psssh that is just crazy, I could not believe it! I started talking with others in the service dog community, to those that have trained their own dog. I decided that would be the route I would try. I found a beautiful dog on Facebook and got to work. He was a great dog! But unfortunately was hit by a vehicle. I will not go into that.

   After I lost Samson, my pup, I woke up one morning and saw where my neighbors, Jeff and Jim had decided to reach out to people in hopes for a new dog. I was quite upset and yet in awe when I first saw the post.  I could not believe he was taking up money for me, I was embarrassed at what people would say. Here it was the Holiday season and he is begging for money, for me a dog! But he, of course, told me to mind my own business and let God work. It is unreal how hard it has been. But it opened up an amazing door. Amanda, who I have known since a child started on a mission in getting me the perfect dog who is properly trained! I just could not believe the response from the community from those I do not even know or have not seen in years! This Thanksgiving has truly been a season for me in awe of thanks to all of those helping me along this journey!
   One of the things that Facebooker's have messaged me about was, "Why do you need a Service Dog?" In my head I am saying, "Why do you need two arms?" Of course I do not say that haha I know its hard for people to grasp the idea unless your in that situation. Just like people like to say, "I would jump in front of a bullet for you!" No you would not. You would run screaming like a girl! Then text me to see if I made it out alive. Ha! You do not know how you would act or feel until your in those shoes. I have provided some information below on my reasoning in a Service Dog, along with a few video demonstrations I have found on YouTube. I hope they help you.
   There are just so many ways that a Service Dog would enrich my life and make it easier! I will do my best to explain. Before you ask, I thought she has a prosthetic?, What about that? Why isn't that enough? I do wear my prosthetic typically for activity purposes such as hunting. It is an amazing and beautifully crafted arm! I am so thankful I have it! But I have severe phantom pains that have yet to decrease. The arm in itself is heavy and I am okay wearing it for short periods but it just intensifies my nerve pain. Therefore, I unfortunately do not wear it as much as I would love to. 
    There are so many possibilities to a service dog, they are trained to your needs. To those that have or are thinking about giving, I do think you should know how you have blessed my life. For those that still do not get the need for a dog for help I challenge you to live life only using one arm for a week No cheating, you cannot ask for help, ha, it may help you understand more clearly.
     The dog will be my helping hand in more ways than one. When I have my hand full it is hard to do things such as open and close doors or turn on and off lights. I will give you a few examples. When leaving or entering the house for work I have a purse, lunchbox, keys in hand, a drink for work and such right? Well I still have to manage turning on or off the lights as well as closing or opening the door. Same goes if I'm trying to get in doors at work. The dog can be trained in turning the lights on and off as well as opening and closing doors. They are also trained to pick up items I drop or hold things for me such as a bag or lunchbox while doing things such as, unlocking or locking a door. Same goes for cabinets, drawers, refrigerator and such.

    In the house I moved into, it is basically built on top of a garage. Well my laundry room is in the basement. Can you pack a full laundry basket up and down steps one handed? Yes, it is a challenge! I am not going to lie, I have kicked the basket down the stairs in frustration countless times! haha. Well one of the benefits of a SD is they can actually train them to pull baskets up and down the stairs! They even can load and unload the laundry for you! I can manage that part but if only they could fold! Right?!

   One of my biggest problems is carrying groceries! If you ever see me do it you might freak out at how many I carry on one arm and my mouth! It is not pretty by any means. But when you have no choice then you just do what has to be done. Well a SD can help you carry groceries, shopping bags and luggage. How awesome?! My shoulder and back is already causing great issue due to weight distribution in carrying items and overuse of there only being one arm. This will help in prevention of blowing my shoulder or such injuries, which commonly happens in amputees.

   Those that know me or see me know I use my mouth as a hand. In opening, carrying or holding items. Well the Service Dog will help me look a little less crazy! I will feel a little less gross knowing the dog will be able to help me open items, he will be able to again also hold items for me. He will be wearing a pack that will also be used to carry items for me as well. Again, he will be my extra hand.
   He will go with me everywhere and be able to help in all kinds of situations. Even in my favorite hobbies such as hunting and fishing. In deer hunting he will be able to pull a deer on a deer sled or hold a fish, while I take him off the hook. He will even be trained to get help if I need it. Such as lose my balance in climbing a tree stand, which happens a lot!
  Service Dogs are not taken advantage of near enough! I get stared at enough. I know your thinking its because my dashing good looks. But some people actually just stare at my arm! I know I can not believe it myself. Well, I hate drawing anymore attention to myself, by not being able to take on or put on a jacket or sweatshirt gracefully. The dog will actually be able to help in putting on and taking off jackets or sweatshirts. As well as helping me zip up! Its crazy!

  When traveling it can be rather annoying zipping up luggage or traveling as hands free as possible through an airport. The dog will again be trained to help zip luggage as well as carry items or retrieve items for me in a bag or pocket when my hands are tied. The possibilities are endless, I tell you!

   Lastly there is the emotional and protection aspect. Service dogs are used a great deal in therapy. When anxiety is high and you feel a panic attack coming on they are there to calm you down. They can tell when your having a nightmare and will wake you from it and stay by your side. They are trained in PTSD and such as well. As I told you earlier I have severe Phantom Limb Pains. The dog will also aide in comfort to distract me from the pain. A dog is always there for you no matter what and will do what he can to make you smile if your having a bad day.

   Finally in being a young female when looking weak to the world by lacking a arm a dog provides comfort in the fact you are not alone. He will protect you till the end.

   I hope that this helps those out there who are thinking they are in need of the same care. It is nice to know this is an option for those in need. This is not an excuse to just take your dog everywhere. There are plenty of videos out there and so much more a service dog is capable of. I just wanted to share with you my reasoning in choosing a Service Dog.
 
 

The New Year!

  Looking back on this past year, it has been filled with blessings, adventures, challenges and sorrow. Everywhere you go people are talking about their "New Year Resolutions". We are to look back and reflect over this past year and see how we can improve and are encouraged to set goals for ourselves. My mother said today, tomorrow your slate is wiped clean and will be a new beginning. I looked at her saying, really??? In my head I immediately I was like, OK so tomorrow, the new year, will be better than presents from Santa! I will get my arm back and all the bad is over, we hit reset..right?! HA! Yea I'll keep dreaming.

  Although I would love to have my arm back and erase all the pain and challenges. I have to be thankful how blessed I have been this year. I have been blessed in that I have been able to go to one of the best prosthesis I could find! Advance Arm Dynamics in Dallas, TX.  Your prayers helped me tremendously, my insurance approved my arm and I didn't have to pay 200.000$ for it! I have been blessed by others in that my airline tickets to Texas have been paid for even! This prosthetic company has the greatest staff one could ask for! They truly care about you.  Although I do tend to be a lil rough on my prosthetic and break it from time to time, which is very frustrating! They are there paying for you to overnight the arm to get fixed quickly! Beats waiting in the doctors office for a broken arm lol.
 
  Not long after receiving my arm I was blessed to get to go to Del Mar, California to the "Beautifully Flawed Retreat", hosted by Bethany Hamilton (soul surfer),Lauren Scruggs (fashion blogger and stylist) as well as members of the Friends of Bethany Hamilton Foundation. It was truly a blessing to get to experience that. A family donated their house on the beach for us to stay at! We had a personal chef! We worked out in the mornings on the TRX. Had facials, hair and makeup done along with a photo shoot! One of the top events was SURFING!!!! Yes this girl finally stood up on the bored! It was a difficult challenge with an amazing reward! It was awesome seeing the faces on the other ladies as they surfed! Words cannot describe that day! Lastly I think one of the greatest things that happened was bonding with everyone and the amazing devotions that we had every night! God really moved through the ladies that shared and led the devotions. There were tears, laughter and there was a light of Christ that spread to the unsaved. It was truly moving and unexpected. We all had no clue it would be a devotion type retreat. It was great to just be with girls of different amputations and hear there stories and struggles and being able to share and help one another. We didn't look at one another and think how different we are. We saw beautiful and amazing women in front of us! When leaving we received a package of several books, all kinds of goodies and a freakin TRX! The trip was truly amazing! I cant wait till the next retreat! Friends of Bethany Retreat

Song of Songs 4:7 ^"7 You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."

  This year has just been surreal. At times it can feel a little overwhelming. My best time to focus and talk to God is in the deer stand. Everyone should have that one quite place where they can talk to God, with no distractions. For me the other day was just a whirlwind of emotions! While in the tree reflecting on this past year. I was struggling and getting frustrated with my prosthetic in the deerstand, my crossbow is pretty heavey for it! But it just hit me, I was like wow I am going to have one arm the rest of my life! It hit me hard! I mean I have been doing great in tasks and daily activities with one arm, don't get me wrong! I guess in your mind you kind of tell yourself that my arm is out of order for now but it will be back to normal in time. I try to just focus on the present not the future, and just take one day at a time. Therefore I had a mini melt down in the stand, crying out why god why? It seems like it is one thing after another and just was not fair! I know.. I know.. life is not fair...but I am allowed to have a poor me moment here and there. I have been reading the book of Psalms this month and it is such a powerful book! I read the following verses and found comfort.

    Psalms 94: 18,19&22
  ^"18 When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. ²² But the Lord has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge." NIV
    Psalms 126: 5-6 
  ^"5 Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.⁶ Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them" NIV

I just had to remind myself that when storms come, as bad as they may get, there is always a rainbow! An God does not give us more than we can carry. And you have to think..God must think I am pretty dang strong! You just have to pray for strength and God will help you carry the load.

  I can not wait for next year, hopefully doors will open and God will show me the way in how I can serve Him. I am also finally able to be back in the workforce, I am praying for the right job God wants me to have. There is its own challenges when facing this new world as the new me! I lastly am back in the dating world after 4yrs, not only am I a little rusty facing the dating world, but as the new me..it is so much more nerve wrecking! But I know first you have to love oneself, be confident in your skin. If you do not love yourself how can you love someone else? Lastly place it in Gods hands and he will bring you that one special guy, who will love you and think you are the most beautiful girl in the world! I tell people often that the plus side of having one arm is that, when it comes to guys, it weeds out the majority of the superficial guys in the world!

  So just remember no matter what this past year meant to you, good or bad, tomorrow is a New Year! As scary as the new year might seem just remember to trust and lean on God and he will get you through! I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!!!!! God Bless!

Phantom Limb

    There are two different types of phantom sensations commonly felt after an amputation. There is phantom limb sensation and phantom limb pain. Both of which occurs where there has been an amputation. It can be a tooth, breast, arm or where any body part was removed. But it most commonly affects the arms and legs.

    Phantom limb sensation is painless. It is where one still feels there missing limb along with feelings such as: itching, tingling, coldness and warmth. They say that often these sensations will go away. Everyone is different, even people born without limbs can feel these sensations. There is nothing more weird than having a itch you cannot scratch!!! It can be quite annoying! I just hold tightly on my arm praying I get the nerve that is causing the issue! lol. When I drink something cold I can feel it go all down my arm it is quite creepy!

    Phantom limb pain tends to be more painful, varying from person to person. They say that if your symptoms have lasted for eight months than your chances to improve are not likely. Symptoms of phantom limb pain are such as: shooting pain, stabbing, squeezing, throbbing, and burning. The limb may also cramp up and twist in uncomfortable positions. As for me I call my hand a bulley because it tends to twist my arm behind my back and torture me. My fingers tend to bend backwards in painful positions. Somehow I feel as tho I get papercuts in my fingers. My phantom pain is almost constant. Just some days are worse than others. After working out or when my heart is racing my arm throbs like crazy! It is just amazing how the brain opperates! After amputaton the nerve endings are still sending signals to the brain, therefore the brain still thinks the missing limb is still there. It has been said that the brain remembers the pain that the missing limb indured. Say if one lost a limb in a painful accident, your brain would still remember that and store it into memory and that would determine ones phantom limb pain. And if one lost a limb due to a scheduled amputation one is less likely to have severe phantom limb pain. 

    There are other factors that can trigger ones phantom limb pains. These triggers are: changes in the weather, stress, anxiety, lack of

sleep and pressure on the remaining limb. Usually I can tell when it is going to rain, my pain will get alot worse, it will be numb, tense and tingly. My favorite side to sleep on is the side where my arm is missing. But due to a bone sticking out on that side it is rather difficult to sleep on. But that habbit is hard to break. When I sleep on that side for too long my brain switches to a painful nightmare in relation to my arm. That is my brains way of telling me to rollover! If I lay on that side too long I wake up in alot of pain! Therefore its just a cycle of restless sleep. And I have learned if I have not had much sleep my pain gets worse. 
    There are several ways to help ease the pain. Such as applying hot and cold therapy, massage and relaxation techniques. TENS units are very beneficial, along with biofeedback. It is also beneficial to wear a prosthetic, the applied pressure is supposed to ease the pain. I have yet to get my prosthetic to experiment, but I will let you know as soon as I do! Accupuncture and mirror therapy have been known to help some, Mirror therapy did not help me due to my level of amputation. Drugs such as anticonvulsents, antidepresents, opiods have been known to help. Neurotin helps me the most! I can tell a world of difference if I dont take it. I also have a topical cream that contains neurontin, and other medications in it, that helps. I also go to a pain clinic where I receive facet shots all in my shoulder, back and neck area to help relieve the pain. I also think it is important to talk to a couselor to make sure your in a positive place and have someone you can vent to, because this right here straight up sucks! Most people do not understand, they see that your healed from surgery therefore you should be fine now. But most likely you are not, so make sure you join some groups so you can talk to people that understand. There are plenty of people willing to listen and help you, check out http://www.empoweringamputees.org/ and http://www.amputee-coalition.org/. Lastly if your pain is severe there are spinal cord stimulators and deep brain stimulators one can see about getting. Also recently I talked to a guy in Louisiana and he had a surgery performed in North Carolina where the nerves in his neck were fused. He claimed it was a miracle surgery! He is now on zero medications! That is something I am getting close to checking into! I hate being on all this medication, it makes me so tired and yet I can not sleep well and the pain does not go away! I just wish my brain would get with the program and realize there is not an arm there! It is funny because my neice will always ask, "What is your arm doing now?" and for once I would like to say I can not feel it anymore! I hope this insight was beneficial, feel free to contact me for more information or just to vent! Stay Strong! We survived for a reason! 

I'm Back To Blogging!

    Hey everyone! I apologize for being away from my blog for so long! We have had some family issues going on that I was focused on. Then it seemed like everytime I turned around someone was mentioning my blog, I felt horrible that I had been away for so long! I figured thatwas my sign for me to get back to writing.

   

There has been so much that has happened since I last blogged! To start off a couple months ago I finally got to go to Dallas, TX to Advance Arm Dynamics! I was sent a blessing from a fellow from TX named Jeff Hutchison, he paid for my airfair! I could not believe it! It meant the world to me, a complete stranger helping out. He had found my blog and could relate since is grandad was an amputee.

    Advance Arm was well worth the  trip! The office was amazing and so was the staff. Unlike the prothetest

I saw in Nashville, this office was well equipped with several different hand and arm models. I think that was one of the most helpful parts because I was able to see how the arm would closely look and was able to see the size and weight of each model. They showed me how each product worked aswell which help me better determine my decision of which arm would be best for me. I chose to get a fully electric arm, a Myoelectric Dynamic Arm. The myoelectric arm uses sensors on muscles to move the arm. For instance if I flex my pec muscles my arm may be programed to raise up. The hand opens and closes and is very strong! The hand twists off and I can insert attachments, I like to call them my Go Go Gadgets! They gave me a catalog of attachments, such as tools, fishing gear, archery and gun aids, pool stick aid, bicycle and driving attachments and the list goes on.

    I was so pumped about my new arm heading home! I could not wait to get it and conquer this new lifestyle with my sweet new robot part! I shotly found out my arm would not be arriving as quickly as I thought! Due to it being out of state they are having to fight with my insurance to pay for my arm! If my leg was amputated sure I would go down the road an pop on one from a local prosthetesit. But in dealing with arm amputees along with my level, the prothesis around here are not as experienced and rarely see cases like mine. But insurance is always a hastle so I just have to remain positive that everything will be okay! Anyone want to guess how much my arm cost!? It is my favorite game to play with people because it blows my mind! I even called them back to verify I heard right! My arm cost $191,000!!! When it comes time to buy a house I am going to just slap my arm down and trade! It is crazy! Now we are just sitting and waiting for Advance Arm to call me and say the insurance approced.

    Meanwhile I have been doing great and conquering new obstacles

everyday! Im doing great riding my bicycle now. I was able to go deep sea fishing this summer! That was awesome! I told the people on the boat my arm got taken by a shark...they believed me too! I love making up new stories, its fun playing jokes on people! I gotta have fun with this some how! I got a new crossbow for my birthday! It is a Parker Concorde with automatic draw. So now I have been counting down the days until deer season!

Double Take!

     Most of us will admit we work hard in life by eating right and dieting to get that perfect body just so when  we walk in the room everyone notices you!  Don't lie! We have all wanted that reaction of turning heads and getting that double take.  People think they must get a second look, and think Wow!.  Ha, well I have never had that perfect body it has always been work! I guess the saying goes, be careful what you wish for... Man I just turn heads all the time now! Being an amputee, I could break down and cry and run to my mom, crying mooooom their staring at me! Im a FREAAAK!!! But I just laugh and find it quite entertaining to be honest. I have always been a people watcher instead of a bird watcher...people are just fascinating beings in how they react. The mall is the best place to watch people if you want to know, ha! 
 
    Anyway, I guess one of the first times I gained my "creeper callus", its what I like to call those who stare a hole in my arm, ;) was when I was still in hospital rehabilitation.  It was the first time I got to walk downstairs.  This older women looked at my arm..then looked back a little longer and then my nephew said that lady keeps staring at your arm.  I looked again as she was staring as she rounded the corner, as if my arm was on fire. I laughed and told him I should have raised the sleeve of my tee and growled real loud, as if it was alive!  We all laughed.  I knew then that I was going to have people stare and I had a choice..I could hide and be ashamed..or I could make the best of it and look on the bright side. Children are different, they can be either really brutal or super sweet when they discover my arm is missing! I have a little niece who is seven and you never know what she is going to say but I guarantee she will be honest!  But although sometimes children can hurt your feelings, like sometimes what even my niece may say, without meaning it, it is important they express themselves. They just don't understand and she is just used to the old me.